High School Football tonite. To do list.

1. Leave work early

2. Attend my former high school’s pep rally before tonight’s football game against our rival

3. Set up a tailgate in the secondary paved lot, where I am allowed to park as a silver level season ticket holder

4. Get hammered

5. Go down to the sidelines during warmups and shout instructions at our wide receivers about improving their downfield blocking until I’m asked to leave

5. Stand in the student section in my letter jacket

6. Receive one or more standing ovations

7. Sip Fireball minis that I’ll sneak into the game

8. Shout obscenities about any players who plays poorly so that their parents can hear the critique

9. Fistfight rival parents

10. Attend the post-game field party

11. Have former and current students chant my name as I do a two-minute keg stand

Got this list from twitter, not my list 😂